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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her spouse left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, as they were focused solely on her husband. This surprised her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, probably realised better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many in her circle have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, however, I feel my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation but she shifts them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been organizing a trip abroad I've visited on several occasions and resided in previously. I tried to provide advice, yet it was met with resistance. She really just desired my agreement with her decisions. I've just ended four weeks in that country and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she can comprehend the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to cut and run, but it is not often the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation aiming for a solution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Next is to express how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument here. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. Finally involves requesting how you are both can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, so you need to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they won't release because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they've known. It's tough when there seems no clear path here, just dead ends. But she may start out this way then consider on your words. And even if you never reach a fix, it will give you peace that you've been truthful.